Spring Clean

Well, my daytime desk job ended. Oddly enough Im happy still. Im taking herbs B12 for energy, valerian root at night to relax, and licorice root to help fight the lung infection Ive been battling. Im eating a variety of things to make sure im getting nutrients. Im taking time to enjoy my days off. Its great. My girls are happier, im less grumpy less stressed out. Its been wonderful. My spring cleaning attitude is starting. I love my home, its nice being able to enjoy the things I work so hard for. Thats my little blurp on whats been going on. Ive been sick n out of work but its getting better. 
*~*Jen*~*

Today's Blurb on food and beliefs

http://emmysorganics.com/

 

^ Today’s blog is on wonderful local business people in Ithaca. I fully support the ideas they are advertising as supporter of natural foods, organic, non-GMO’s, and the Go Green movement for protecting the planet for our future, I truly am delighted to see these little Macaroons at my work’s café J

 

That is all, except stand for something or fall for anything. Right? It’s okay to disagree, but have an opinion and follow your beliefs whole-heartedly.

 

~Jen

 

 

 

*~* "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw *~*

 

"Happy" Carlton Dance

)

Hope, Love, Faith, and my rambling

Today I want to discuss values and beliefs. I seem to struggle to know myself and sway to what others tell me. I have been very passive my whole life.

 

I got very upset this weekend when I discussed my decision for baptism with a friend. See, there are two ways of viewing Christianity, Baptism and faith. I personally do not believe in guilt, shame, and requirements of perfection in order to be saved. Baptism in many religious circles is looked at as “Regeneration” where you are leaving the old person behind and vowing to become a new person and strive for perfection and to give up sins. Yet God knows we are sinners, died for us while we are still sinners, and accepts us where we are. I’m learning in my recovery class that we are powerless to change our sinful habits on our own. If the matters of your heart is the most important thing to God, and He doesn’t require us to be sinless to be saved, why would baptism be any different? It’s an outward show to the church and others of faith in God. I do not believe I must vow to be perfect or give up all my bad habits before going thru with Baptism. Perhaps that’s what I’m discovering. I got all upset and almost lost a good friend over this subject, so I took time to dig down deep into what I believe and perhaps disagreeing on subjects is making my beliefs stronger.

 

I don’t have to change on my own or at all, God will love me just the same. In time, I find my mindset slowly changing on things and finding the will to do better slowly appearing. Life is a journey, and religious places that condemn people, judge them, require them to follow rules and codes just to be a good person are turning people from God. My faith is not about good works, it’s about something so much bigger than that. People are missing out on life and happiness thinking churches are judging them and that God is telling them to change in order to avoid hell. It’s just not like that. I will be going thru with my baptism but on my beliefs and I will not cave to religious demands for perfection.

 

I actually really feel good lately, despite the insomnia, stress, kids, and being really sick. I’m having a wonderful day just simply knowing I have my ideas and the guilt and judged feelings are going away. It’s really nice. I feel bad for the people who over complicate things. It’s so simple that it’s overlooked. There is peace in knowing love is enough after all. My situations remain stressful but my mindset towards them is changing. It’s really neat to watch it happen.

 

I know many people have been hurt by religious leaders and churches. I have been too. The church I attend is where I first was attacked by a youth group boy 10 years ago, it took me awhile to stop taking it out on God for mistakes of people around me, I trusted them to lead me but it’s not their place to be perfect either, I was looking in all the wrong places, even searching church for faith is the wrong place sometimes. I’m not saying don’t go, I’m saying challenge your thinking towards who is supposed to be leading you and who you should trust. People fail, people sin, that’s because we are human, everyone is imperfect and that won’t change with being saved. It’s not saying you’ll try to be perfect and feel horrible for failing, that’s not the intent. It’s so simple, lights on today. I can’t even explain it fully. It’s just simply desire and admit Jesus died for our sins and is God. Sins don’t disappear with faith, they are forgotten but we will still sin. Simple. Powerless to change on our own, that means it’s not all me. If changes are to happen I must rely on God to change my mind towards them as I’m not able to change on my own.

 

I’ve been thru deeply hurtful things. Places, people, and circumstances I thought I could trust weren’t always safe. Growing up feeling like nothing was safe has left its mark on me. Gripped by broken ideas of what life is about, I’ve often gotten myself into bad situations. I have made my share of mistakes. Divorce is my current grief, I look back on what I did wrong from the day I started talking to him. Hindsight is 20/20 right? I see myself way better now after this. I’m on a better path now. I value friendships, family, and my kids way more. I’m working hard, love my life right now. It’s hard to explain but I’m just way more relaxed. I have my bad moments, days, and weeks, but that’s not the point. I just don’t feel like I must be the only person figuring everything out. Faith is allowing yourself to believe in God who cares for you and will direct your life for you. Letting go of micromanaging my chaos is a relief. It’s no longer my job to fix it.

 

Haha Idk, today I’m just happy. And perhaps a certain best friend is to thank for this as well. Chances, forgiveness, and having someone to talk to, that’s what life is about. Relationships matter, even spiritually. I will not judge others. It’s not my place. To each their own. Perhaps tomorrow has hope after all and this is why I’m able to face today without being dragged down by depression. Hope and love are what life is all about.

 

*~*Jen*~*

 

 

 

*~* "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." - George Bernard Shaw *~*

 

Journaling Thoughts

Well I haven’t been doing much. Uprooted from the normal routine hasn’t helped my winter blues. It’s been a long, rough, winter and I cannot wait for Spring, figured if I set my background picture as green it’ll cheer me up from the arctic freeze. Today I’ve learned how difficult it is to divorce. It’s a long process even if you ask for nothing but the legal name change and divorce. The emotions I am going through are unbelievably difficult. I want to come to the point of accepting it, saying hey we were young and dumb and wish him the best. I’m not sure where I am but I’m not fully there yet. I just want to go home, relax, soak in a bubble bath with candles and wine and settle into watching movies and reading my books. I just want to be home. It’s nice to have a place I feel like I can escape to, hide away from work and life stresses, but people are telling me I’m isolating myself, perhaps I am? The silence of night is an amazing thing. So peaceful and mysterious, shadows and cold air, starlight over the snow, what about this keeps me awake? It’s just so peaceful to escape from the busy hustle of life and just simply be still.

 

*~*Jen*~*

 

 

*~* “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller *~*

 

 

My Dedication to Change of Perspective

Looking back at the past two years on the websites I have rediscovered, I’m seeing my ex and my relationship in a whole new way. I cannot be mad at him or blame him. It just didn’t work out and it takes two people to work on a marriage and I failed at things too. I can’t be mad at him, yes it was a horrible year and a half experience, my kids got hurt which is the hardest to forgive, but in the end, it just wasn’t meant to be. I cannot hold onto bitterness forever. I forgive him. Time to just be me and make sure the next time I get involved with someone, I take it much, much slower, and value the dating stage awhile. Not just for me, but for my girls. They understand my ex had his own issues, my oldest talked to me about how she sees things and she’s very smart, I actually learned a lot from how she saw the relationship and told me it’d be okay, and we’d be a happy family without him. I see such strength in her spirit, kindness and a beautifully innocent way of seeing the truth of things. Kids are smart, they pick up on things never said aloud thru actions and body language. It’s why leading by example is the only way to truly raise a child. Yelling and correcting them doesn’t stick, if you want to truly get thru to a child, show them by doing it yourself. Then everything else will come into place.

 

Sometimes our plans don’t go well, we cannot see the big picture that God does. He has plans we cannot imagine, so putting Him first is the only way to be happy. I believe that in order to be happy I must follow the words and advice in the Bible this time. To wait till marriage is one I’ll struggle with, seems odd to want to recommit myself this way but I believe I’d truly find forever love based on God’s plans if I follow the commandments. I’m not following rules to be “better” or “perfect” or “good” it’s the disasters I’ve gone thru because I didn’t follow this that has me wanted a clean, fresh start. To abstain till I’m married,

 

When I was 14, I wanted my first kiss to be on my wedding day, the innocent hope for making sure I saved everything of my heart for the one God intended for me, I lost my faith when I was attacked at a youth group event, that changed my mindset towards church and life. I grew up with a controlling father who quietly stayed away from us, never hugged my mother or my sister and I. I never saw the marriage I hoped for, but going to church was my escape, seeing all the happy families, and husbands next to wives gently holding and being sweet to the wife beside him. That kind of love was only at churches in my life, I grew attached to the idea for years, but now that I gave up on my dreams for the past 10 years, I’ve lost the hope and heart I was so hoping to save for the right person. I wanted a church wedding, to never have to choose between my faith, my kids, and my husband. I wanted the peace I found in families that made faith a priority. I’m not sure why this dream has stuck in my heart but I’ll never find my self-pride again unless I follow this dream this time. It’s a lot to ask I realize this, even of my own willpower and I doubt myself all the time on this but I want my fairytale, I don’t want to give myself just to be hurt by the wrong person again. Kind of like my phrase stated, “Would You Wait a Year for the Right Woman?” From here on out, I’m sticking to my values. I want faith to matter and be a priority this time, a lot of issues with past relationships are because my values all stem from my faith and I dated people who didn’t share my faith or values. This caused me to sway and feel badly about who I am afterwards. Experienced 24 year old was never my dream, I just fight to get my heart back, to see it grow back as innocent as it once was, but I’ve lost a part of that forever, can you ever truly start over fresh? I’m not sure, but I want different this time, I want something real, I want to find the person who’d wait for me, treasure getting to know me and not pressure me to give up my values, it’s a lot to ask of even myself let alone another person, but what if it was worth it? What is a year or two waiting if it meant forever happiness? If true love is forever, finding your “best friend” and something beyond what dating has become, than wouldn’t it be worth it?

 

I ramble a lot when I’m sitting still with time to think over everything, but I know something great is coming from my trials I survived, I’m finding my true passions in life, and I’ll be forever grateful for my mistakes for making me who I am today. To the world I’m a broken person, and the strength and intelligence and inner beauty people see isn’t from me, it’s my faith attracting those who are missing the peace faith brings. It’s why I cannot be mad at my ex or others who hurt me, I drew in the lost people and my flaws allowed it to lead where it did, I am unable to fight my human flaws, powerless to change my human flaws alone, this idea is the start of change, I’ll be someone I’d be proud of becoming someday, right now I think my heart is in the right place, I’d just have no idea why the idea of going back to abstaining has stuck with me now, I’m horrible with self-control in a relationship I’m attached to, I have this all or nothing ideology of a hopeless romantic, seeing forever and the good possibilities from the start, I get high hopes and then get hurt, and looking back, what would my future husband say? What would God say of my mistakes? Forgiveness is wonderful, He won’t remember them after I confess them, but if I am constantly going back to disaster habits, then I’m only hurting myself. I’m brutally honest with myself lately, divorce shook me awake, I think back to how wonderful I was at 13, so innocent, so happy and no trust issues or shame, I can never get that mindset back. I don’t regret my kids or lessons learned but what next? How do I honor my faith and myself if I already have broken my promises for so long? I’m recommitting myself to my faith, this time I’ll make sure I reach out for the only one who can help me change. This is a Brand New Kind of Me, and I will make mistakes, and fall short of my hopes for myself, but if I hold onto my faith in Christ, nothing will sway me from who I am supposed to be. God sees the big picture that I do not. It’s time for me to trust His plans and let go of my false sense of control over my life. I am powerless to change on my own. I need my God to change who I am and this is a process I’m committing myself to.

 

 

 

*~* “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller *~*

 

 

Flash From the Past

http://jensfreelancepoetry.blogspot.com/2012_10_01_archive.html

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvw7fjG8pT8&list=ULBZ50XDcS9fA

^Flashback from my lost websites

 

 

So I Googled myself today, and found my old blog and YouTube channel from my laptop that my ex smashed in the breakup a year ago. I put so much time and effort into my designs, presentations and blog. It’s bittersweet finding them again. I’ll share the past with my present readers. A look into 2 years ago what I was like. I saw the wedding photo and old pictures of my ex as well in some places. I’m not mad anymore, I wish him the best and hope someday he finds what he’s looking for. I’m moving on to better things. As my life has changed some in positive ways, I’ve got a better neighborhood, a career, and a self-pride I lacked 2 years ago, but the tendency to run late when trying to get the kids around, seems to be consistently an issue still L

 

Learn some, change, and see how far I’ve come. I’m oddly at peace with finding this stuff today. Helps me see how far I’ve come.

 

Have a good day readers, and never let life keep you from changing for the better. Every day is a new day.

 

*~*Jen*~*

 

 

*~* “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller *~*

 

 

I did it bloggers! My first run, barely ran for five minutes but I got out there and started it! Feels great already!

Happiness and Habits

http://www.gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/02/i-created-a-different-relationship-to-the-voice-in-my-head/

^Today’s Highlight, Gretchen Rubin, author of this website and a few books on Happiness and Habits,

 

Today I’m choosing to write about people who inspire others thru changing the self-talk in their own minds. Once this habit is started it’s truly contagious and you want to share all about it.

 

Gretchen Rubin is interviewing Dan Harris, a fellow writer and author like herself, about happiness and habits. It’s truly a must read.

 

Self-talk and meditation is so overlooked as important, I truly believe this is also in line with my faith. For the Christians out there struggling with the meditation context and worrying its not of God. My personal favorite reference is www.openbible.com, online search, I can Google Biblical verses on Mediation and get a listing of all the verses in the Bible that list this topic. I check multiple websites but this one is my favorite for its simplicity and accuracy.

 

http://www.openbible.info/topics/meditation

 

We are to make sure our mediation is pleasing to God, but we are called to mediate on His words. Mediation is in every culture including Christianity. It’s a calming way to manage your thoughts and get them in line with peace.

 

“Be still and know I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

 

These authors talk about happiness and habits and are not labeled with one particular faith online. I just wanted to bring up both their wonderful ideas and writing and try to bring around a more open minded mindset towards meditation and self-talk. How we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves does matter. Habits do effect our happiness. It’s why I am working on my diet, exercise, and health. It’s why I’m taking a dreaded budget class and a difficult Recovery course to face my flaws which I know I need to work on. I’m vowing to myself to keep my promises to myself and stop denying and isolating myself. It’s so hard to do this, but it has its rewards in time. I’m becoming more and more content and happy with my life. I have bad days still but I’m getting better.

 

I’ve decided to take a break from relationships, a true break where I’m not seeking them at all and won’t accept being asked out for a year maybe two. I want to reset myself and my mindset for a while. I want to see myself how I should see myself. People tell me I’m a wonderful, honest, smart, beautiful woman, but if I don’t believe in myself that won’t matter. I need to develop my roots in my beliefs, my faith, my direction in life, and learn to love myself first. Then I will attract a man worth finding instead of losers and users. I’m confident breaking bad habits is both in my hands as well as admitting I’m powerless to change my human flaws on my own. I’ve done a pretty big job of screwing it all up when I try to control everything around me. I cannot be at peace and who I am supposed to be without giving up my micromanaging of my life and the world around me.

 

Knowing where you fall short is half the battle, finding the courage to admit you cannot change your bad habits without changing how you see your habits and admitting the human tendency to sin is what it’s all about.

 

I’ll close with that on today’s rant on habits lol

 

*~*Jen*~*

 

Why I Didn't Run Today

This is life when the fantasy falls away. Waking up to reality. Divorce is such an ugly word. Meaningless wedding, can’t have happily ever after with only one person trying. Did I give up too soon? I’ll always wonder this. How can I walk away without torment? It’s impossible. It’s not that I miss what was, I miss what never happened, never existed. Life isn’t a fairytale, marriage doesn’t just work out. I didn’t know who he truly was, I wasn’t ready to battle such wars against addictions, deceit and betrayal. I pulled my weight long as I could, perhaps I’m weak. I know I can’t do it on my own. I’m turning to God for help, bring Him my tears and broken heart. Where did I go wrong? I didn’t put  God first in my fairytale. I’m fighting depression, dragging myself out of bed in the mornings, no patience, no smiles, I have my moments of happiness but then reality hits me in the face again. Money issues, struggling thru as a single mom of two kids by different dads. Such shame and guilt is binding me, I hate who I have become. I’m a stranger to most people, unreliable, a solitude hermit, I’m hiding from life. It’s too hard to wake up some times. I get what needs to be done, done, but with less spunk and spirit. I’m here but barely smiling. I’m falling apart. Sick of being hurt, sick of how life has gone. I’m taking a break from people but that doesn’t seem to be helping anything either. I’m just stuck in this moment of tears, crying like I haven’t done since I found out about the other girl, I lost my job because of that, and now I’m here at a better job, but will this despair be the ruin of me? Today I cannot hide behind a mask, today I’m just hurting, disappointed in myself, and wanting help and comfort, something to make the nights less long, and mornings more cheerful. I attempted to run, got the stuff out and everything but -4 degrees is so discouraging. I want to run from this pain, perhaps I can gain the discipline to run in the mornings. It’s calling to me. I’m not sure why but my heart is longing to run, my body thinks I’m crazy, I’m out of shape, hate mornings and 4:30am is absolutely nuts, but I cleaned out my closet last night, found my running outfit, and set it out on my bed in sight. It’s calling to me. Is this the answer to my plea for mornings to be easier? How will this help? I’m not sure, but perhaps tomorrow I’ll get up and try. I’m not certain that I want to run, especially in the winter, out of shape, in the mornings, but it’s on my mind. Perhaps it’s the answer to my mornings of dragging myself along? The energy I’m needing and don’t have? I’m a step closer today, perhaps tomorrow morning I’ll try again. The issue is the word try, I lack the conviction to accomplish this unwilling task. No one wants to run in winter, early mornings, not at first. So I need motivation to force myself to start this. I’ll keep a journal of my days on here. Perhaps my struggles will help another reader get out there and try something they haven’t been able to try. Every day is a new day. I’ll have another chance tomorrow.

 

*~*Jen*~*

What About the Change?

https://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/things-that-should-be-avoided-for-asd-kids/

^The link between learning disabilities on the rise and GMO’s and chemically altered foods that are changing the brain

 

More of a reason that organic, homemade meals are best. Remove processed sugars, food dyes, and GMO produce from the diet and the learning disabilities disappear with the bad foods. Basically homegrown is best, home cooked is best,  stores are hiding the MSG preservatives under different names on labels. If you don’t know how the food is made you are risking chemicals damaging your body. God knew best when He created us, altering the chemical makeup of the body with unnecessary things is dangerous to your health.

 

All natural, organic foods don’t have to be expensive. Weekly cooking and packing and freezing foods helps a lot. I need to make this a priority not just for myself but for my kids as well. If pregnant women are cautioned from eating things processed, should we consider the dangers of eating it when not pregnant too? What if poor food quality could solve the issues we’ve been fighting? Anxiety, insomnia, depression, OCD, learning disabilities, what if all those things stem from us as a society playing God and altering food and DNA of plants and using the power of new technology to do anything from researching DNA and thinking mankind can alter and solve any disease, prevent disease, and play God in the lab. Scientists have gotten lost in the marvel of technology which does amazing things but where is the line drawn? When does modifying the DNA of plants, and covering our produce and plants in pesticides get noticed for the health issues its causing. When do the citizens stand up and protest for the effects on our children and ourselves? Healthy bodies, healthy minds, right? So why wouldn’t we consider what chemicals we are putting in our diet, homes.

 

If we consider the lifestyle we have fallen into, quick easy foods are replacing great home cooked meals, fresh garden produce that is incomparable to grocery stores, a garden is what I want to make, have space for homegrown produce, shop farmer’s markets, buy grains from local farmers or Amish in the area, someday have the land to grow my own fields, I want to farm and learn to cook and prepare foods, give myself and my children the advantage of healthy meals without chemicals or mystery alterations from lab experiments in produce. I want to start running in the mornings. Set my alarm for 4:30, get up and around to run, and be back by 5:30 to shower and get around for work. I want time to help my kids get up in the mornings. Life changing ideas, complete diet change, starting to run early in the morning which I hate mornings, cold, and I’m out of shape horribly so, I need a steps tracker for miles, and to set myself up for starting it right away. Hmm, I’ll use this blog for accountability. I’ll promise to write tomorrow about how my morning run attempt goes.

 

My random rant post Board Meeting with my daughter’s school, trying to get a grip on what I can do to help myself and my girls get a better education and lifestyle.

 

 

*~*Jen*~*

 

 

 

ITSD/Corporate Call/t:607-974-9000/c: 607-794-7068

 

Someone Busier Than You is Running Right Now

First let me make a comment about the phrase that caught my attention in this running mix, “Someone busier than you is running right now” guilt trip right there lol but it did catch my attention. I hope this mix helps motivate you as well.

 

I have found a good running music mix on YouTube and I wanted to share it with my readers J

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NATkj7_gl04

 

I’m trying to talk myself into trying to run. Early mornings or on my lunch hour. Trying to get into shape as the healthy diet I’m on has me gaining weight right now. I’ve gone up 3 sizes and I think it’s time to tone up. I want to have the summer look early. Perhaps go tanning and running till Summer, start a garden as well so that I am outside morning and night watering my plants. Time to live a healthier lifestyle.

 

Good luck with the New Year’s Resolutions, guilt trips, and summer beach body goals. Hope this helps J

 

*~*JEN*~*

Remembering Native American Culture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_WYLNVSE3U

^Music Track

http://amendairfa.org/About_AIRFA.html

^History of 1978 AIRFA, American Indian Religious Freedom Act.

 

 

I’m taking time today to recognize the Native Americans and their Religious Freedom act passed in 1978. Freedom is a constant battle for even Americans today. I remember stories from my family of the one Native American that married into our family many, many years ago. That and living in NY state, I am very interested in learning about this culture that’s disappearing.

 

The peace of the natural and spiritual culture of these people is something I value. I consider daily taking more natural routes for health and mind. I believe in self talk helping sooth the mind, and of meditation and respect for land and nature. This culture is amazing to learn about and I hope you enjoy my blog and take a minute to learn something new about them.

 

*~*JEN*~*

 

 

A Post about Honest Mom's Blog

http://honestmom.com/2013/12/12/a-story-of-a-little-girl-i-knew-and-why-im-telling-you-about-her/

 

^ I’m taking a moment today to talk about women and domestic violence, please read this blog about Chris and if you are able to share this or donate to her kids left behind, it’d help a lot. Let’s stop the silence on domestic violence. This blog about Honest Mom’s depression is also a great read for anyone struggling with depression and anxiety.

 

Remember that reading and sharing these stories helps stop the stigma on silence, helps end the shame and guilt about struggles so many women go thru. Judgment and hate towards moms going thru difficult times doesn’t help them or the children.

 

*~*JEN*~*

<3

 

 

http://www.npr.org/2011/02/14/133693152/the-dark-origins-of-valentines-day

 

^A little Valentine’s Day History for my readers.

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Deepak Chopra : Physical Healing, Emotional Wellbeing

Absolutely amazing speaker! Love his ideas!



*~*JEN*~*

 

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Deepak-Chopra-The-5-Step-Path-to-a-Life-of-Love

^Deepak Chopra on Love

 

Let me start this with an early Happy Valentine’s Day to my readers!

 

I’m having a wonderful time reading up on Deepak Chopra’s views on alternative science and love in this article and many others of his. I posted a quote by him on my work computer as well for inspiration.

 

*~* "The universe has no restrictions. You place restrictions on the universe with your expectations." - Deepak Chopra *~*

 

I am finding his views to be amazing encouragement and perhaps this article and his writing will encourage both the singles and the ones in relationships. “To find the right one, become the right one.”  Very powerful phrases and ideas.

 

So many people focus on excuses, trying to find the “perfect” match. Love is so much more then brain waves and emotions towards another. It’s much deeper than that. I hope this man inspires you like he has for me today.

 

*~*JEN*~*

 

 

Happy Birthday 2 Me!

Okay stay with me on this idea; it’s my birthday so I’m writing on a debatable topic. Stay with me to the close on this post. J

 

Let’s start with a quote:

 

"The other way I've always read the quote Amy mentions is: The people who in one generation are totally singular because they were brave enough to challenge the system, in the next inherit their victories. We are all Gloria Steinem’s now -- without the fame, or course -- because we all have the rights that she fought for: to be single and financially independent and so on. So we are the private citizens who have the same rights as yesterday's public heroines." -Baumgardener (Third wave Feminism)

 

http://www.alternet.org/story/9986/a_manifesto_for_third_wave_feminism

 

So I been thinking today women’s rights have come far but is it on track? We have gained our way into the work force and out of the housewife mentality, gained better healthcare like birth control and abortion, we’re gaining the equality rights to be like men and have choices. We didn’t want to stay home but do we have the right to choose now? I find it very difficult for stay at home moms to stay at home. The society pressure to have two working parents is very difficult on many mothers. I personally work because I need to provide for my kids as a single independent mom, but in a different culture wouldn’t I be urged to marry just to be taken care of?

 

Do I still get this pressure to settle down from society? Older generation women pressure younger moms to conform with what society expects, but pleasing people is impossible and irrational. They don’t even understand why “marriage to anyone” idea is being pressured on young, single mothers of this generation. The assumptions of why I am a mother at 24 to 2 kids is that; I’ve damaged, broken, (dirty words describing women inserted here) that I’ll leave out of this post, too independent, not a women of social grooming and higher standards. Perhaps I don’t fit in to the molds of society for a woman should be, is this battle internal or is it truly how the world views women still? Are we fighting our way out of the housewife position only to end up like a men finding someone looking to be taken care of? Do strong, beautifully independent women get lazy men looking to be taken care of? Or do strong men still feel needed around independent women? Men need to feel like they are needed. How can independence and feminism make men feel needed? If I can pay my own bills, live on my own and already have my girls, what would make a man feel needed or like he can take care of me?

 

My point in all this is, I still want the marriage, girly type lifestyle but I’m not able to stay home trusting a man to take care of everything for me. My kids are my responsibility, so where does that leave me? Forced by instinct to work and be essentially both a man and woman of the household, what relationships and society changes will that mean if women like me remain this way? Would I want a career man to swoop in and make me a housewife? Um, not sure that fairytale has ever been my ideal. Perhaps men are becoming more like housewives of the past? What happens in 40 years? When babies are created in test tubes, men are no longer the breadwinner of the households, and women get sick of working and can’t find men with confidence and independence enough to be the breadwinners anymore? Is this a reality or fear? Is this rooted in trust issues in men and society? Or is this a prediction of the wonders of new technology and feminism and the right to choose partners, ordering cookie cutter children, robots dominated society?

 

Lol okay that’s a bit of a tangent but honestly who knows what the future will hold. The better question is what do I want it to hold? What do I want from life? Is the career mindset holding me back or helping me? How do men feel needed if I’m not sure I want to need a man? I want an equal, someone who will work hard like me and find my work ethic as who I am instead of finding guys who want to be taken care of. If I’m seen as a successful person great but somehow that is a double edged sword with attracting the mindset of what that means for others. As I’m entering a new age with lots of perspectives changing daily still, I’m setting out to determine what exactly I want by also not being so concerned with the future. Sometimes this inner strength has provided me with choices, in society its not illegal to be a stay at home mom or even work just part time to help the husband, as well as being able to take care of your children as a single mom if there is no husband. The freedom of choices may not be fully accepted, it’s a judgment type of world we live in, but especially in America, we have the choices and the ability to choose our path or make our own path. I may never understand the mindset of a man, but that’s one process untacklable by anyone and no two people are alike. What the world holds I’m not sure but I do know I’ll always have the right to choose my path and I’ll never be stuck in a bad marriage due to being a housewife with no options so perhaps that is the change the feminist movement truly sought out, the right to not make up our minds and to change our minds often as we wish.

 

Today even Google has told me Happy Birthday! The search icon for Google was all birthday cake lettering and candles with a personal hover message saying “Happy Birthday Jennifer!” Today despite any setbacks in thinking or wondering what the coming years will bring my way, I am on my way to finding out what choices I’ll make along the way. Sometimes simply being happy, disagreeing on politics, opinions, and ideas are all a part of this life. The ability to wear yellow and orange to work today is a personal choice and freedom. The right to life, liberty, and freedom is what America is all about. The right to disagree is a freedom! I don’t have to agree with others if I don’t want to. Life is short, don’t blend in and get lost in the crowds. Stand up for something you believe in or get lost forever. There is a self-confidence found in being simply yourself. I don’t judge others on their different cultures, beliefs or opinions. That’s their personal choice and that is their right. My rights are mine as well. Americans should be allowed to celebrate our country in schools, our faith should be allowed to be practiced no matter what it is or where it is, intolerance to all is lack of understanding for differences. Differences are a beautiful freedom in America. People are human, we judge others within 5 seconds of meeting them and it takes years to change that first impression whether right or wrong it’s how people are. If we just allow instinct to rule us, then we are missing out on life’s true gifts, the ability to change perspectives, control how you react to situations, and the mindset of thinking anything can make a difference if you follow your heart and inner strength to change your instinct and change society by first changing yourself. It all starts with a simple thought, that inner thought can change the world forever if everyone took hold of this idea.

 

Imagine the possibilities of one person changing themselves and affect someone else to think different because of it? Imagine the ripple effects we can have just by being the best we can personally be for ourselves are others? Society is a living breathing community, one spec in the crowd starts walking a new path, what happens next? If she keeps walking even when no one follows, what happens next? Don’t you think curiosity about where that one person is going will kick in? What happens if that person gets followers and still doesn’t know where they are going? Some keep following, others go back,  the destination isn’t important here. It’s the fact that one person does matter. Your thoughts and actions can change society and life as we all know it. You may not see the ripple effects but no one is apart from this concept. We all matter. We have changed our world every day by simply being ourselves for the good and bad, and each day is a new fresh start. Each thought is powerful tool for our future.

 

Happy Birthday 2 Me!!

 

Thank you for reading J

 

*~*JEN*~*

 

 

#Photo #Journalism #strong #beautiful #women

Project 562, Art project on Native Americans


I've including the artist I'm currently listening to along with an amazing link to a Photo Journalism project on Native Americans. What I'm thinking about is how amazing these talented women are and that creativity and knowledge and talents go far but the true hidden gem here is how these women see themselves and carry themselves. It's their thoughts about life, love, and future shining thru their talents and how they carry themselves. Women with the inner strength and independence to love life as it is and can be are valuable to everyone. The power of intent and perspective are clearly shown here. Watching what you tell yourself is the essence of life. Intelligence starts with how you talk to yourself, actions are formed and attitudes begin with what you think when no one can hear you. Strength, peace, and the ability to succeed are all formed with that quiet voice you talk to yourself in. Greatness is formed with the ability to talk positively to yourself no matter what is going on around you. It's a working process, but when I reached my breaking point this past year I realized I'm able to change anything by simply viewing it differently. From dealing with divorce, car breaking down, major moves, family arguments, to panic attacks and more; I've realize the simple truth in thinking positive even when you don't feel positive. Writing 3 things I'm grateful for down each day to remind myself that I'm doing good. Shifting my mindset from victim, grief, and the negative to creator mindset, positve possibilities, and joy. I love photography and learning new things. I've always had this passion for writing and learning. Perhaps this blog is my outlit for creativity and I hope my words help a few of you out there to find encouragement in the hard times. Life happens, stress is unavoidable, things change and bad situations will always come up when you don't want them to, but you can control one important factor: You. You control yourself and how you react to things and what you do next. This mindset is worth finding and clinging to. It'll change your life, and it's a daily change but it'll lead you to your dreams. Dream big, never give up, be completely yourself, learn to love who you are and what you are thinking. It matters most in life to love yourself and be who you want to be without any apologizing, worrying what others think, or hoping negative things will stop happening. Life will never be easy for anyone, everyone has their secret battles and some battles are more public then others, but don't judge a person. No one can fully know another person.

I'll end this post with this: Don't stop becoming yourself. Loving yourself must come first. I hope you are having a great day blog fans :)

*~*JEN*~*

Kickoff Blog

Hmm, where to start... So I'm Jen and this is my first time keeping a blog. I like writing, poetry, graphic design, I have a car with eyelashes on it, two daughters Briana and Sara who I'm completely crazy about, and I work for a large company in Corning. I've been thru quite a lot to get to where I am today, and I figured I'd write about my days and see what happens. Feel free to email me to offer tips, ask questions, and just to say hi. If you like my blog, subscribe, share the link, and comment :) I'd love to get feedback! Keep in mind this is an adult blog but I'll keep it public friendly in case kids come across this site, and I do ask that comments are helpful. Any complaints please private message me directly.

Thank you!!

*~*Jen*~*