Well it's an early Monday morning and I'm in Hilton monitoring an asbestos crew remove windows and caulk. Six am comes early. Summer's starting to fade as the chill in the air reminds us all that fall is coming soon. I'm sitting in a Pre-K classroom at a makeshift office, listening to keys jingle, roofers jack hammering away, and the buzz of workers all around, yet somehow its still quiet among the noise. Weekends fly by, and the summer at home is gone already. As I prepare for traveling again, I think on my weekends and how I'm spending my time.
To many who are on the outside looking in, they wonder how can I take a job like this? A single mom trusting her kids' family? Don't I love my kids? hmm, why yes I adore my kids, I want my daughters to take on sports, to have nice school clothes, be able to do hobbies and teach them about life in the best way possible, showing them its possible to do anything.
I talk to my kids and so does their dad, about my job, that I love them very much and I must travel. Why is it that taking on a a career option is looked at so negatively? Why am I the "bad mom" 'cuz I don't stay home 24/7 and cook, clean, and rely on a man? Oh and BTW to the married people out there, just 'cuz I'm single doesn't mean I'm out to steal husband's and party and be crazy.
My husband cheated and left, so I work twice as hard to achieve the goals I wanted to achieve with him. It sucks to be alone and trying to provide a home for my kids. I spend my free time with my kids, I'm taking time post divorce to recoup and rediscover my own goals. I'm single and doing my best in a new career and as a independent woman. So the next time your nose goes up in the air, remember this, someday this could be you. What if you became a single mom? Can you really say you know I am not doing great if you haven't been in my situation? Let's not judge each other. What I have an issue with is the vicious gossiping and two-faced backstabbing. Aren't we all adults here? What I am not a typical person so I'm a threat to society? I think not. I think I am working on goals that ya'll can't see the outcome of yet. If my kids are happy and healthy and out of daycares, isn't that a good thing? Why does there have to be a "bad parent" and a "good parent" aren't we all parents? Imperfectly doing our best to love and raise our kids? Sometimes there is crappy parents out there who truly don't care, but let's not confuse abusive people with ones who aren't abusive just making rough decisions. Do you think this is my ideal situation? No, no it's not my ideal. I can't handle the pressure to be a superhuman, do it all on my own, don't ask for help, don't trust anyone, what kinda life is that for the kids? Why must we treat each other like failures for doing our best in difficult situations. Isn't it hard enough that I'm divorced and my close family turned on me? Adding poison to the burn doesn't really make any sense. How can loving people do this to their own?
No, this doesn't make sense so yeah I distance myself from it. If you cannot treat me with respect, be honest, and not talk poorly of my decisions behind my back out of jealousy and hate, why would I bother to be around you?
If a stranger treated me this way I'd be furious, so why the misplaced guilt? I'm taking care of myself now, I'm being me now. And if you don't understand or want to hate, well there's the door sweetheart. I bought myself my own rings, cheap Walmart bling but it goes along with my self dates. I am in essence "dating" myself right now. Until I can be happy, there is no way I can make anyone else happy.
So here I am, quietly pondering life, choices, and my love for my kids. Isn't it a grand thing how nothing has to make sense right away?